Alternate title: Let's All Pee On The Patio
This morning while walking from her car into work the cat lady passed a quite pleased, clearly intoxicated man who was singing and dancing and having a jolly good time. Last night must have been stellar. The cat lady gets a few feet ahead and hears "do-bi-da-do-whop-SEX!" I love this town. Walk faster....
Things had started to look up when on the way home the cat lady's gas light came on. She pulled into her handy neighborhood gas station and was immediately hit on. By the guy with the beater car, moldy teeth, wife beater....you get the picture. Winner, top shelf dating material. His first line? "Do you know anyone who is hiring? I got laid off two weeks ago." Wow, tell me more about yourself. Combine the slowest pump in the history of gaseous substances with a beater car that won't start and what you have is pretty much the best conversation ever. And apparently my Camry looks like a Kia. Our children will be so cute.
Things had started to look up when on the way home the cat lady's gas light came on. She pulled into her handy neighborhood gas station and was immediately hit on. By the guy with the beater car, moldy teeth, wife beater....you get the picture. Winner, top shelf dating material. His first line? "Do you know anyone who is hiring? I got laid off two weeks ago." Wow, tell me more about yourself. Combine the slowest pump in the history of gaseous substances with a beater car that won't start and what you have is pretty much the best conversation ever. And apparently my Camry looks like a Kia. Our children will be so cute.
The cat lady burns rubber out of the gas station, hurries home to the sanctity of her humble abode to discover that her plants are wilting. Apparently sitting on the couch this weekend left little time for watering. Tragic. Cannot let the spinach die, how will Jitterbug sustain her girlish figure? The cat lady begins the watering process, gets a little excited because its past 7:00 and she has yet to begin preparing fourth meal. This excitement leads to a little spill. Minor spill. Its only water. And it doesn't land on anything on the patio below. You would not think this was the case because the drama that followed was EPIC. Pure class. Worthy of retaliation with a little amonia smelling cat pee rainstorm. Downstairs neighbor's not so friendly, not so cat lady loving girlfriend decides that this is worth getting off the couch, opening the door, coming outside and yelling at the cat lady. Polite. Such a lovely girl. She'll look great some day in a wife beater and a Kia.
Monday rules.
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