Ice Cold Beer? Where? In the Console?

It's been a slow blog week here at Cat Lady Chronicles.

Probably cause I'm chillin' on a dirt road, laid back swervin' like I'm George Jones.

And I apologize for that.

Okay, not really. Cat Lady has been busy and is counting down until things at work slow down. June 6th...midnight....that's our deadline. Gordon and I can hardly wait. 28 hours of work in the last two days leaves little time for cats. Or meals. Or showering. But...did have time to take a break for tornado warnings. Good times. Its been the best week EVER in Cat Lady land.

Auntie Em, Auntie Em!

So these's thunderstorms, what do you reckon? Pretty amazing. Or so I have been told. After every line passes. By my father. Who is 6 hours away and way too into the weather. When I told him I had a full proof warning system he didnt believe me. Hence the multiple calls. Here's how it works....

level 1: thunder in the distance and light breeze

Cats come in off of the patio

level 2: lightening and nearby thunder

Jitterbug hides under the bed

level 3: downpour

Gordon runs soaking wet from his post at the patio door

level 4: Hurricane force winds and general mayhem

Gordon runs from room to room like an idiot

level 5: Impending hurricane/tornado/general doom

Gordon has given up all hope and joined Jitterbug under the bed. It is always shortly after this that the cat lady finds herself hiding in the bathroom...cause there's no more room under the bed. We've only reached this level once. Today. Seems to be a pretty common occurence this spring. Third floor apartment? Excellent choice, cat lady, excellent choice.

And now I must go, we are at level 2. Jitterbug just retreated.

Teats What Its All About

This week needed to end with a massage. A good, ol' fashioned one hour rub down. Its been one of those weeks.... The cat lady had a fun run in with technology today. Not quite sure why she needs technology anyway. Things around here are pretty simple:

Cat food in, cat food out.

Water runs, cat runs.

Warm lap, cat jumps in lap.

Anyway, as previously discussed there's this whole CLAGNSDAGTWTFF thing. And occasionally when the cat lady is at this so called "job" thing she has to do this thing called "work." So today the cat lady was messing around with this fancy email stuff. Particularly the spell check function. Thats a fun invention isn't it? Speaking of "thats"....apparently when you get a little click happy and pick the second suggestion option you get "teats" instead of "that's." And teats ladies and gents is why the cat lady sent out an email saying "Incidently, teats is the only one that didn't cause any errors." Teats indeed. Gordon has 8. Jitterbug too. Incidently, they've never had an errors with their teats either. Whatever that means.

Summer Livin' Cat Lady Style

The cat lady has been trying to get this post up for almost a week now but we had this little thing called the second coming of winter. So the cat lady and associated felines have spent the better part of a week huddled under a pile of blankets trying to tell ourselves we were having a good time. None of us are were convinced. Anyway.

In a continuing effort to make those not leading the cat lady lifestyle jealous, here's where we will be spending our summer:
The cat lady will be reading fantastic literature. Otherwise known as the entire Harry Potter series. Again. Gordon will be terrorizing the neighbors. And Jitterbug? Well, she will be trying to eat the cat lady's plants and then purging on the living room carpet. Guaranteed a good time will be had by all.

And that ass print in the chair? May have occured during the heavily stressful testing of this setup. But that's still under review.

Official Notification

Yesterday, May12, 3:42 PM it became official. This cat lady is officially The Cat Lady.

Here's how it went down: The cat lady is at the doctor. Not her normal doctor so they are running down the list of oh-so-fun questions that no one really cares about.

OR SO YOU THOUGHT.

The last question: "So you're married?"

Cat Lady: "No, I'm single."

Dr: "Oh yes, I see right here in your records. Single with 2 cats."

And then she shows me.

Right there in electronic, larger than life print: "Marital Status: Single, 2 cats"

Apparently my uncaffinated, half asleep 8AM response at my first appointment to "So your single and dont have any roommates?" warranted documetation. Thanks, PCP. I really want that one to go down in electronic medical records history.

The Pump

There once was a threesome involving Gordy

Jitterbug and Pumpkin the cat too

It went swimmingly until about day forty

When big mean scary kitty caught Pump in the loo

Gordon did not know this orange fluff of a feline

For he had been locked in the guest room for many weeks

But given the chance he made a beeline

Out the door and down the stairs to visit the freaks

The realization of a third mow was rough

It was an orange cat conspiracy only known by two

The fallout involved lots of hissing related stuff

And that, dear readers, is why the cat lady had to move to the Lou'

Vacay 2011

Imagine the happiest place on Earth. Now take out Mickey. And Minnie. And add cats. What do you have? The happiest place in the universe, obviously. Or at least the second happiest place on Earth. Behold, my friends....HARMONY LAND!http://www.sanrio.co.jp/english/harmony/harmony.html

Plane tickets are a little steep right now. But only 2800 yen to get in?! That's a steal!

I bet the gift shops are fantastic too.

Derby 137

The Kentucky Derby is tonight. Officially, we don't care. Unofficially, however, now thats a different story. My money is on Stay Thirsty and I heard a rumor that a couple of felines were making bets on Derby Kitten. About time they introduce something worthwhile into horse racing....all part of Cat Lady & Co's plan to take over the world one feline at a time. Until next time, Stay thirsty, my friends.

The Cat Lady Returns

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!!! The cat lady would like to officially like to apologize for her extended absence. She has been dealing with what we will call "Cat Lady Ain't Got No Sugar Daddy And Gots To Work To Feed Felines." or CLAGNSDAGTWTFF. And yes, the WTF in that has multiple meanings. Anyway, the cat lady has only been home for a few hours each night. Not enough time to do more than pacify Gordon and get the few hours of sleep she needs to not turn into a troll. Anyway. Enough about CLAGNSDAGTWTFF. For now. This is actually the second post. Blogger got confused by the awesomeness that was the first. That will not be happening again.

Recent developments in cat-lady-dom:

1. The cat lady finally unpacked the last box. Only took ten months. Sad really because that box was serving a very valuable purpose by blocking headlights from shinning through the window. Now Jitterbug has returned to body slamming the side of the bed to try to catch them every night. Poor cat can't get a moments rest.

2. Winter may finally be over. The cat lady only had to scrape ice off her charriot one morning this week. In celebration she bought a lounge chair for her patio. The locals look at her strange out there in layers with a blanket. They can suck it.

3. The cat lady heard rumors of people making margaritas with bourbon for the Kentucky Derby. She must remove herself from this foreign land ASAP.

4. In celebration of her day off the cat lady tried to schedule a massage. She was unsuccessful. She finds it hard to believe that a town this size doesn't have enough rub specialists for all of the mothers and one very needy cat lady. She plans to spend tomorrow camped outside the spa, credit card in hand, tears streaming. She is not above begging and bribery.

5. This is the most boring post ever.

6. Cat lady can't get enough of this future Mr. Cat Lady: