Solitary Confinement

Following the day the cat lady left town

Jitterbug tried to hold the fort down

but when that didnt work

and she was sick of the jerk

she locked herself in the laundry room

all the while meowing "lack of litter will be your doom"

But the cat lady has reason to celebrate

because Gordon didn't urinate (much)

he now wont let her out of his sight

and is trying with all his 18 pounds of might

to permanently hold down the pretty pink suitcase

because without the cat lady won't leave home base

I'm Meeeeeeeelting!

What do you get when you combine a wind tunnel, pouring rain and a cat lady?

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A bitchin' hairdo.

Cats and cat ladies alike don't much care for water.

Score!

There are few things the cat lady likes more than a totally awesome, over the top sale. Which is why she has been skimping on conditioner for two weeks waiting for today's sale. 100 bucks of product for 30?! Including tax. Um, hells yes.

Snuggle Time!

Bloomage and Such

So....either Jittybugs has a secret admirer or these went the wrong address....thoughts?

Time for the Electronic Babysitter

The cat lady is too tired to blog so here is a video that pretty much proves Jitterbug sneaks out at night to travel.

Overdose.

Remember how cute this was?!?!

Well.


Turns out that it is possible to overdose. In pot.

Yes, behind furniture is where the cat lady stores all the pictures she is too lazy to hang. And yes, that would be almost every picture she owns.

You know the little sticker on every vacuum that says it has excellent suckage power along the edge? It lies. The deposit not returned upon move out is coming from Gordon's allowance.

Thievery and Such

The cat lady bought Jitterbug a new toy. And this is pretty much what happened for about the first hour.

Cat toy thief.

Until....

RECOVERY!!!!!!

Cat Tested. Gordon Approved.

And when you are done watch the parallel parking one....that dog drives like the cat lady.

Jitterbug's Top Songs of Right Now

I'm telling you, this cat is worse than the radio with the replaying the same few songs over and over thing. So. We made a deal. If I blog her favorites I get one hour of Jitty-music free time. She is one tough negotiator, but I finally got her to agree to something reasonable. So here goes.

10. What's New Pussy Cat by Tom Jones
9. The Kitty Cat Song by Lee Dorsey
8. Lucifer Sam by Pink Floyd
7. Smelly Cat by Phoebe Buffet
6. Feline by Bobby McFerrin
5. Stray Cat Strut by the Stray Cats
4. Alley Cat by Bent Fabric
3. Mr. Mistoffelees from Cats the Musical
2. Needing More Mows originally adopted from Kenny Chesney
1. Everybody Wants to be a Cat by Scatman Crothers

Cat has a problem, too sheltered, too focused on herself....needs to branch out. Which is why the next hour will be jam packed with Buddy Jewell and Katy Perry. The neighbors are going to love it.

Fort Cat Lady

Today we had a lot of this:

and a whole bunch of this:

and even a fair amount of this:

So we built this:

Welcome to Ft. Cat Lady!

Can you say "awesome!"?

Feline Mathematics 101

Over the years the cat lady has completed extensive research regarding the relationship of cats to various aspects of the world. She has determined that everything can be reduced to two elements: cats and math. Behold, ladies and gentlemen, an introduction to a world unlike any you have ever met. Welcome to the crazy world of the cat lady's head and the results of 27 years of study. Forget all you previously understood and believed about the world and ponder the following four questions and ideas:


1. What is the chance that a highly rated musical album will sell well?

This has little to do with the artist, radio play or the economy in general. In fact, an album's sales are clearly related to the cat lady's ability to rearrange the lyrics to something more appropriate. Which is almost always something about cats. For example, Prince's 3121, one of the highest rated yet worst selling albums of all time. Listen to it, you will understand, nothing can be changed to be about Jittybugs. Tragic. Prince should have consulted the cat lady prior to the album's release to understand that:
Album Sales = crap factor * cat translation factor + 46.2859 - pounds of food consumed by Gordon in the past month

Just wait for the cat lady's version of Katy Perry's "Firework" or as it will be more commonly known: "Gordon is a big fat jerk." You will understand.


2. Should I buy the polka dotted dress or the striped?

Not based on the much believed function of "does this make me look fat?" No, one must always buy the garment least likely to show cat hair. And to have more successful future shopping experiences always remember the following:
Cat Hair Factor = fibers per inch + price * number of cat hairs per jitterbug / 100000

3. National GDP

For many years economists have tried to convince us that
GDP = gross consumption + government spending + gross investment + (exports - imports)
For many years the cat lady believed this to be true, but this was while when she was just a lowly econ major. Now she is an econ majoring cat lady. Obviously a superior being.
GDP can be reduced to a much simpler equation. Consider the following:
GDP = Number of rabies shots supplied to cats in the previous year * number of straws Gordon has hidden under the rug - number of mousey toys collected by Jitty + 46.3409

4. Average Expected Annual Temperature in Cat Lady-dom

Forget all you know about weather patterns, past temperatures and the rumor that is global warming. The average temp in cat lady-dom can be calculated using:
Avg Temp = cat lady's proprietary boof factor * cats per mile + time of sunrise * purrs per million


Next time: weight, gravity, Sir Isaac Newton and the falsity that the strength of the Earth's gravitational field is 9.8 meters per second squared.
More like 24.6 falling Gordons per second squared.

High In Pot

There are some things that just cannot be explained about this cat.

High on nip and high in pot, very confusing.