Reason #475 Why Monday Needs To Be Outlawed

Alternate title: Let's All Pee On The Patio

This morning while walking from her car into work the cat lady passed a quite pleased, clearly intoxicated man who was singing and dancing and having a jolly good time. Last night must have been stellar. The cat lady gets a few feet ahead and hears "do-bi-da-do-whop-SEX!" I love this town. Walk faster....

Things had started to look up when on the way home the cat lady's gas light came on. She pulled into her handy neighborhood gas station and was immediately hit on. By the guy with the beater car, moldy teeth, wife beater....you get the picture. Winner, top shelf dating material. His first line? "Do you know anyone who is hiring? I got laid off two weeks ago." Wow, tell me more about yourself. Combine the slowest pump in the history of gaseous substances with a beater car that won't start and what you have is pretty much the best conversation ever. And apparently my Camry looks like a Kia. Our children will be so cute.

The cat lady burns rubber out of the gas station, hurries home to the sanctity of her humble abode to discover that her plants are wilting. Apparently sitting on the couch this weekend left little time for watering. Tragic. Cannot let the spinach die, how will Jitterbug sustain her girlish figure? The cat lady begins the watering process, gets a little excited because its past 7:00 and she has yet to begin preparing fourth meal. This excitement leads to a little spill. Minor spill. Its only water. And it doesn't land on anything on the patio below. You would not think this was the case because the drama that followed was EPIC. Pure class. Worthy of retaliation with a little amonia smelling cat pee rainstorm. Downstairs neighbor's not so friendly, not so cat lady loving girlfriend decides that this is worth getting off the couch, opening the door, coming outside and yelling at the cat lady. Polite. Such a lovely girl. She'll look great some day in a wife beater and a Kia.

Monday rules.

Must Sneek in Snacks and Cats

Blowout

Gordon was feeling a little down in the dumps today. I think it has something to do with overcast skies and a serious lack of fresh catnip. Poor guy just needed a little reminder that we all have bad days. Some so bad that they need to be shared with the entire internet. With permission of course.

Thanks G the W. Perhaps its time to layoff the oreo balls and share them with me for once? Nice ass, by the way.

Tub Thumping

I'm contemplating rewritting some lyrics.... I take her out, but she gets in again. I'm never gonna keep her out.

If you see me today and I smell kinda funny it's because there was a feline hogging the tub this morning.
Until later, I'm off to drink a lager drink or perhaps a cider drink.

The Big 0-6

Happy Birthday, Jittybugs!!!!!!!!!

Because it's your birthday and you have to keep up your strength to fight The Gord I guess I will let you eat my spinach plant. Take all you want, I think I'm done with it. Leave your leftovers on the carpet. Thanks.

Jitterbug decided that for her birthday she wanted to hang out on the couch and chase the occasional bug. The cat lady is all up for lazy, but that's just a little too lazy so we decided to have game night. And presents.

Are we surprised someone has birthday jealousy issues??

We started with a rousing game of Cathello.

Next is Jitterbug's favorite - Cattergories.

We were gonna play a few others and have some ice cream but then this happened:

Maybe later we'll continue. I hear a short cat nap does wonders for the party bone. And we all know the party bone's connected to the stayin' out all night long.

Amateur

An online dating video from a self proclaimed cat lover. Things like this disgust us true cat lovers. How do I know she is a fake? First of all, cat ladies do not love to run. They love to bask in the sun and ignore the world. Second, do you see a single piece of cat hair on her? Third, she mentions their whiskers and noses....but she fails to mention the fact that cats don't just have any kind of nose. It's a cold wet nose. Details are important here, people! And nevermind that it takes her a good twenty seconds to stop saying "um" and get out reason number one. A true cat lady could come up with 100 reasons why she loves cats in just as many seconds. Trust me. I'm a cat lady, I would know.

Trash or Toilet?

Fun snippets from Cat Lady-dom on this fine Monday evening.....

1. Today was park the crazy bus on the cat lady's side of town day. Fellow parkgoers at lunchtime included an ankle monitor wearing middle aged woman, a homeless man looking for a light that smelled as though he would explode in a bourbon scented ball of fire if he found one and a creeper on a bicycle who kept doing the over the sunglasses check out the cute girl thing.

Oh yes, my friends....I cut my lunch hour short. Very short.

2. Pretty sure my across the lawn neighbor is pulling the creeper act right now. Dude, you have a girlfriend, stop staring. And put on a shirt.

3. Medicare bid season is over...the cat lady can return to normal life. Until actuarial exam studying season starts. Which is pretty much tomorrow so that's awesome.

4. The cat lady went swimsuit shopping today and tried on just about everything in the store. Turns out I have the wrong combination of assets. In order to find a suit that works one must have no butt and large boobs. I must have missed that day of orientation. I tried to upload a pic of all the suits I tried on. Its impressive...but blogger won't let me. That's how many there were.

5. Creeper dude just belched. Cute.

6. Stopped off at Walgreens today to pick up the cheese and cotton balls I missed at the grocery store this weekend. Conversation with the checker went like this:

Checker: "That's an interesting combination of items."

Cat Lady: "And clearly its all going into the same dish."

Checker: "Well you know everything you buy either ends up in the toilet or the trash."

Good to know, thanks for that one, buddy. So really....glad I didn't buy a bathing suit since I was just going to flush it and end up with a myriad of plumbing problems.